Lonely

[doomedgravestone]

Worse feeling ever,

I never had an actual real-life friend since fifth grade, I'm 18 now. Of course, I have friends online but sometimes they never stick forever, and that's okay, things change. I hate that whenever a friend online that I built so much with just fades, but we each have our own lives and that's the way the world works. It's so hard for me to find someone in reality, I'm so awkward, have no social skills. What's wrong with me? I hate that I smile every time I talk, it's so annoying.

However, that's all on me, I'm the reason it's happening. Trust me, I'm trying to flip this around, it takes time, I get nervous so easily.

I just want people to relate, to whatever I'm feeling and going through. It seems no famous person relates, from what I know. Maybe I should be the one, make music to gather those who's also feeling this way. It seems that I am the only person in the world like this.

Sometimes I hate it, I tell myself, "You're so stupid, you do this every time." I know, I know, but apparently, I don't. I still think this, and there's still some hope in me left, but I don't know how much. I'd hate to accept it.

Comments

[xmcu_fietro]

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely :( I really struggle socially too and I'm really glad I've made a few internet friends, but I always worry that I'll lose contact with them. With IRL friends, I get really anxious/in my head about whether I'm doing something wrong or not, or whether they secretly don't like me. It's taken a *lot* of time (and therapy), but slowly that stuff is getting better. If you need to talk/vent, I'm here! Social stuff can be so discouraging/difficult, especially as an adult when it feels like everyone else has stuff figured out

[doomedgravestone]

Ahhh thx really :) I hope this does get better, and for you too! Much hearts to you friend ♥️